Calendars, Drives, and Spotify
Hey friend.
It’s 5 minutes to 4 o’clock on Sunday, June 7th.
Our lawn guys are cutting the front yard right now, and although it’s loud, it’s a comforting white noise in the background.
My daughter is sitting with her father in his office - he is gaming with his friends, and she is watching him play/playing Animal Crossing herself. She’s been into video games recently - totally our fault - I mean, I’m sure there is science behind why video games are bad cuz screens are bad, and dopamine addiction is a thing at a young age, but I’m just gonna put a pin in that and let it ride for the moment while writing this (whatever this turns into).
Drive Your Hack
I recently started calendar scheduling everything that I need to do in life - seriously, EVERYTHING - chores, meal prep, in-between cooking times, writing sessions, filming sessions, all content creation sessions, homeschooling, and after this first week, I can say it’s been working well.
Before, I used to schedule myself by task, and it felt like I was micro-managing myself - it was too much. But through that process, I worked out a weekly rhythm that I could stick with. And then I recently watched a couple of creators talk about how they didn’t do to-do lists anymore, they just use their calendar and schedule themselves using past-tense terms, for example: “essay completed”, or “video filmed” to avoid incomplete tasks. I thought that was brilliant, so I integrated it into my schedule, and it feels like a game-changer. I think, in addition to this “hack,” I’m in a headspace where I want to maintain accountability to myself and see myself succeed in all areas of my life.
I guess you could say, this is my “why”. This is my drive.
So per my calendar, I finished prepping the craft projects for my daughter’s homeschool classes this week, and that is a big win for me. A past version of myself probably would have let it go, but not this version, and that makes me so proud. It’s such a high to feel the change within oneself when you decide to make a better choice instead of choosing something else.
(Just like how I had scheduled to write something for Substack today, and here I am, doing it <3)
I’m proving to myself that I am capable of becoming who I want to be. I am taking ownership of my own becoming. I am in the driver’s seat (as Dr. Joe Dispenza likes to say).
Teardrop
I was driving back home from a nail appointment on Friday, alone, listening to the newly added tracks on my Liked Songs Spotify playlist, singing at the top of my lungs, reminiscing about life in my twenties, feeling super cool, of course. And then a slowed-down cover of Massive Attack’s Teardrop came on. As my mind turned over each word, each lyric, I started to wonder what inspired her to write those particular words. Words that I have absolutely adored since forever. And at the same time, I pondered this:
There is a certain pain that comes with feeling so deeply and not having the words to express.
This is something I struggle with. Sometimes I feel moved by something - something I can’t put into words, and it will haunt me until I can find a key that unlocks what it is. What it is God is trying to tell me, or rather what He wants me to write. It feels like playing Marco Polo with the Holy Spirit or Prana, and only until you’re close enough, and something hits the right frequency, then you’re shown the starting line to something to create.
It can be frustrating, and it doesn’t help if you are comparing yourself to other writers who have written things you admire.
But in the end, I am consciously choosing to trust that the right words will come to me that are meant for me. Doesn’t mean I don’t read other works or learn from other writers - I think I would be remiss not to, but just having faith that whatever words are meant for me will manifest, and it will be just as God intended.
Talk soon <3
